A few years ago I felt like God was placing adoption on my heart, but I wasn't sure why. I was young. I had kids, I could have more if I wanted. But that feeling never went away, so we started discussing the possibility of adoption. I will be the first to admit Im not a super awesome Christian. I have made mistakes. I have sinned. I have done things I am not proud of. I haven't always walked in my faith. But my relationship with Him has grown in the last several years.
When we first decided that we would grow our family through adoption we didn't exactly know where to start. I had a friend who had adopted from the U.S foster care system, and honestly that process appealed to me. If I am being honest the fact that it is nearly free to adopt a child from the system was the most appealing part. When we first mentioned that we were interested in adding to our family, by adopting a child, most people were not supportive. They didn't understand why we wouldn't just conceive another child. But we knew that there were children out there that didn't have a family and instead of trying to conceive another child we could adopt one of those children and give them a family.
And we felt strongly that this was what was placed on our hearts. So I called every foster care agency in our area, including the Department of Social Services. Half of them never returned my call. Two of them refused to work with us because our children were so young. And the Department of Social services said they would love to work with us, but couldn't fit us into their next class. Tony works evenings, and has for several years. Working evenings at his job, gives him a pay increase which is nice. It allows us to live more comfortably, and it works for our family. At this time though, he was training for a new position, so he was working days and off in the early evenings. This was the only time we could take the class, together. I tried to explain this to the social worker, but she refused.
I spent the next several months contemplating our family. I felt like we were missing something, someone. I thought God had placed a desire to adopt, but maybe I was wrong. During those months I was faced with several people who were adopting internationally. And while I had not ever truly considered adopting internationally I was interested in it. As a young child I would look up children and ask my mom to adopt them.... but that's about where my interest started and ended.
A few weeks had gone by and I had this nagging feeling to call a few agencies. I had no idea who to call or where to begin. We had no idea which agency we would use, if any. We had no idea which country we would go with, if any. Or which special needs we would be open to, if any. I literally just googled International Adoption Agencies and started calling them one by one. A few of them completely turned us away because of our ages, family size etc. A few of them were really awesome to talk to and said that we were limited to only a few countries because of our ages, family size etc. Almost all of them said we were a good fit for the Bulgaria program and that it was a great program to work with. So this is it, we just needed to figure out which agency we liked best.
We chose our agency and filled out the application. We were with them for a few months when I stumbled upon a website ReecesRainbow.org. My life changed. My heart changed. Everything changed. So Tony and I started talking about special needs parenting and what we were and were not comfortable with. While I wont share everything, Spina Bifida actually happened to be on the No list. But we continued looking at the children listed. I would email our agency to request the file of a few children, but none of them felt right.
But, God. He knows our story, and he knows where we should be. Then Boone happened. Boone is a little boy in Bulgaria who has Spina Bifida. He was adorable. My agency had his file and it that file were some videos. I watched this little boy every single day, for weeks. We weren't ready to commit yet, but I couldn't stop watching his videos. Eventually that little boy found a family. I was overjoyed that he had a family coming for him. I knew that if he were the little boy meant for our family that it would have happened, so I wasn't super upset. God used this little boy to soften our hearts to Spina Bifida. Because of this little boy I knew we would add a little boy with Spina Bifida to our family.
A few weeks later, I saw Blake. When I saw his profile, my heart stopped. This was our son. This was the little boy we were supposed to add to our family. Having no idea what the codes on the profile meant I quickly emailed our agency for his file only to find out that he was not in Bulgaria. Heartbreak. It seemed kind of like a cruel joke that I could feel so strongly in my heart that this was the little boy for our family but he wasnt in the country we were adopting from, thus not with our agency. Well If I cant be this little boys mommy, somebody has to be. And in that moment I decided to pray for this little boy. That his mommy would see him, and know in her heart that he was hers. We prayed for "Blake", but continued with our agency.
A few months went by and someone posted his photo in a Facebook group that advocates for children. Her message was simple "Someone see him." Again, my heart stopped. There was my son, and someone else was praying for his family too ! After a little motivation I decided to call the agency with his file. Now I will be the first to tell you that change scares me. I was so out of my comfort zone with an international adoption already, switching agencies was terrifying. But as they say : Life begins where your comfort zone ends. I was mostly calling because I assumed they would tell me no, and I could shake that little nudging feeling off.
But they didn't. We qualified for their agency, and his country program. Relief. And Terror. Knowing this meant we would have to switch agencies. We would lose the money we had already spent. We would lose what little bit of comfort we were feeling, with our agency and our program. So we prayed, hard. While we were praying, and contemplating the switch I was connected with a woman who was in "Blake's" country finalizing her adoption. She shared with me that she had met him and that he was asking her where his mama and papa were, if they were coming for him. She said that he seemed to have lost hope that he would get a family. Imagine, at 3 years old feeling like you weren't worthy of a family. That no one was coming for you. My heart shattered. I wanted him, I loved him in ways I never knew possible just from a picture. She said that his caregivers had told him that she would go back to America to find his mom and dad, and in that moment he put his hands together to pray for that to happen. This happened the same day we asked the agency to see his file. After months of praying for this little boy we were making a phone call that would change his life, and ours. I knew in my heart that this little boy was ours. And I knew I needed to trust God right now, to follow him where he was taking us. So we switched agencies. And on Nov 20,2014 we officially committed to him and began the process of making him our son.
International Adoption is expensive. That fact alone was enough to make me not want to start the process at all. How would we come up with enough money to pay for an adoption. We are a single income family and we do not have that kind of money just chillin' in the bank. But I continue trusting God to provide a way. Whether that is people donating to our FSP, or Tony working over time, or my side jobs and hobbies adding up to pay a fee, or our fundraisers being successful. Maybe there is a fundraiser we haven't even thought of yet that will carry us to the end. Either way, God will provide a way because this is exactly where he wants us to be. I feel like he will bless us with the patience to continue on the hard days. He will bless us with the funds when we needs them. Everything happens in his perfect timing.
And just because.... here is a photo of us on our last day in country. I feel like I look 10 years older in that photo, jet lag and a different time zone were not kind ;)
Make sure to come back, Ill be posting our final visit with Little Man soon ! <3
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