Life begins where your comfort zone ends.

A few years ago I felt like God was placing adoption on my heart, but I wasn't sure why. I was young. I had kids, I could have more if I wanted. But that feeling never went away, so we started discussing the possibility of adoption. I will be the first to admit Im not a super awesome Christian. I have made mistakes. I have sinned. I have done things I am not proud of. I haven't always walked in my faith.  But my relationship with Him has grown in the last several years.

When we first decided that we would grow our family through adoption we didn't exactly know where to start. I had a friend who had adopted from the U.S foster care system, and honestly that process appealed to me. If I am being honest the fact that it is nearly free to adopt a child from the system was the most appealing part. When we first mentioned that we were interested in adding to our family, by adopting a child, most people were not supportive. They didn't understand why we wouldn't just conceive another child. But we knew that there were children out there that didn't have a family and instead of trying to conceive another child we could adopt one of those children and give them a family.

And we felt strongly that this was what was placed on our hearts. So I called every foster care agency in our area, including the Department of Social Services. Half of them never returned my call. Two of them refused to work with us because our children were so young. And the Department of Social services said they would love to work with us, but couldn't fit us into their next class. Tony works evenings, and has for several years. Working evenings at his job, gives him a pay increase which is nice. It allows us to live more comfortably, and it works for our family. At this time though, he was training for a new position, so he was working days and off in the early evenings. This was the only time we could take the class, together. I tried to explain this to the social worker, but she refused.
 

I spent the next several months contemplating our family. I felt like we were missing something, someone. I thought God had placed a desire to adopt, but maybe I was wrong. During those months I was faced with several people who were adopting internationally. And while I had not ever truly considered adopting internationally I was interested in it. As a young child I would look up children and ask my mom to adopt them.... but that's about where my interest started and ended.


A few weeks had gone by and I had this nagging feeling to call a few agencies. I had no idea who to call or where to begin. We had no idea which agency we would use, if any. We had no idea which country we would go with, if any. Or which special needs we would be open to, if any.  I literally just googled International Adoption Agencies and started calling them one by one. A few of them completely turned us away because of our ages, family size etc. A few of them were really awesome to talk to and said that we were limited to only a few countries because of our ages, family size etc. Almost all of them said we were a good fit for the Bulgaria program and that it was a great program to work with. So this is it, we just needed to figure out which agency we liked best.

We chose our agency and filled out the application. We were with them for a few months when I stumbled upon a website ReecesRainbow.org. My life changed. My heart changed. Everything changed. So Tony and I started talking about special needs parenting and what we were and were not comfortable with. While I wont share everything, Spina Bifida actually happened to be on the No list. But we continued looking at the children listed. I would email our agency to request the file of a few children, but none of them felt right.

But, God. He knows our story, and he knows where we should be. Then Boone happened. Boone is a little boy in Bulgaria who has Spina Bifida. He was adorable. My agency had his file and it that file were some videos. I watched this little boy every single day, for weeks. We weren't ready to commit yet, but I couldn't stop watching his videos. Eventually that little boy found a family.  I was overjoyed that he had a family coming for him. I knew that if he were the little boy meant for our family that it would have happened, so I wasn't super upset.  God used this little boy to soften our hearts to Spina Bifida. Because of this little boy I knew we would add a little boy with Spina Bifida to our family.

A few weeks later, I saw Blake. When I saw his profile, my heart stopped. This was our son. This was the little boy we were supposed to add to our family. Having no idea what the codes on the profile meant I quickly emailed our agency for his file only to find out that he was not in Bulgaria. Heartbreak. It seemed kind of like a cruel joke that I could feel so strongly in my heart that this was the little boy for our family but he wasnt in the country we were adopting from, thus not with our agency. Well If I cant be this little boys mommy, somebody has to be. And in that moment I decided to pray for this little boy. That his mommy would see him, and know in her heart that he was hers. We prayed for "Blake", but continued with our agency.

A few months went by and someone posted his photo in a Facebook group that advocates for children.  Her message was simple "Someone see him." Again, my heart stopped. There was my son, and someone else was praying for his family too ! After a little motivation I decided to call the agency with his file. Now I will be the first to tell you that change scares me. I was so out of my comfort zone with an international adoption already, switching agencies was terrifying. But as they say : Life begins where your comfort zone ends. I was mostly calling because I assumed they would tell me no, and I could shake that little nudging feeling off.

But they didn't. We qualified for their agency, and his country program. Relief. And Terror. Knowing this meant we would have to switch agencies. We would lose the money we had already spent. We would lose what little bit of comfort we were feeling, with our agency and our program. So we prayed, hard. While we were praying, and contemplating the switch I was connected with a woman who was in "Blake's" country finalizing her adoption. She shared with me that she had met him and that he was asking her where his mama and papa were, if they were coming for him. She said that he seemed to have lost hope that he would get a family. Imagine, at 3 years old feeling like you weren't worthy of a family. That no one was coming for you. My heart shattered. I wanted him, I loved him in ways I never knew possible just from a picture. She said that his caregivers had told him that she would go back to America to find his mom and dad, and in that moment he put his hands together to pray for that to happen. This happened the same day we asked the agency to see his file. After months of praying for this little boy we were making a phone call that would change his life, and ours.  I knew in my heart that this little boy was ours. And I knew I needed to trust God right now, to follow him where he was taking us.  So we switched agencies. And on Nov 20,2014 we officially committed to him and began the process of making him our son.


International Adoption is expensive. That fact alone was enough to make me not want to start the process at all. How would we come up with enough money to pay for an adoption. We are a single income family and we do not have that kind of money just chillin' in the bank. But I continue trusting God to provide a way. Whether that is people donating to our FSP, or Tony working over time, or my side jobs and hobbies adding up to pay a fee, or our fundraisers being successful. Maybe there is a fundraiser we haven't even thought of yet that will carry us to the end. Either way, God will provide a way because this is exactly where he wants us to be. I feel like he will bless us with the patience to continue on the hard days. He will bless us with the funds when we needs them. Everything happens in his perfect timing.

And just because.... here is a photo of us on our last day in country. I feel like I look 10 years older in that photo, jet lag and a different time zone were not kind ;)

Make sure to come back, Ill be posting our final visit with Little Man soon ! <3

Hello, How are you?

View from our apartment, of Mt Ararat!

Gorgeous Sunset!

We arrived at the orphanage around 10am, before our translator.She said she would be there shortly.So we walked up, by this point we are feeling fairly comfortable around all of his caregivers so it wasn't super awkward or anything.It was Music day, and Owen really wanted to attend.He asked if we could go too, and of course we said yes !It was so fun watching him interact with all of his friends and play with the instruments.He really enjoys singing and shaking the little shaker things. They were singing Christmas and kids songs.

I feel like this visit went by so fast because before we knew it , it was lunch time. So we left and walked around the city some more.

We headed back to his orphaange around . He was in the playroom with his friends when we got there. He was excited to go for a walk today, but we decided not to. We felt it would help if we stayed in the orphanage and played together. We wanted to call Ethan and Ashlyn before they left their grandmas house for the day. So the translator stepped out of the room while we made the call.

He really enjoyed talking to his brother and sister ! He even got to talk to his grandma Jersey (Its what we call my mother in law because she lives in NJ ;) ) When she said Hello, he yelled "Hello, How are you?" In perfect English. Needless to say Grandma Jersey was not expecting that at all. Ethan and ashlyn got on the phone and were talking to Owen. Ethan asked if we were going to bring brother home, and I had to explain that it wasn't going to happen this trip, but the next one. It so hard trying to explain to 4 year olds that our family is separated right now. They dont understand, and cant grasp that there is paper work to be done and fees to be raised. All they know is that family is supposed to be together. And it hurts my heart.

We noticed that without the translator present Owen seemed to be making more effort to interact with us and communicate with us. So after our phone call was over we asked if she would mind stepping out again. She completely understood, and didn't mind one bit. While we were alone in the room we were playing with the ball just rolling it back and forth between the three of us. We were blowing bubbles which he really loved ! At one point the ball rolled behind him so I reached to grab it. He reached up and grabbed my arm. He pulled it towards his face and in that moment I thought "oh man. He is totally about to bite my arm." .... But he didn't. He kissed my hand instead ! Again, that boy melted my heart. He had absolutely no reason to trust us when we first got there. We started the week as complete strangers and by the end we were trusted friends. He wanted to be near us. He wanted to sit with us. He wanted to interact with us. Which were all things that we had hoped would happen but didn't expect to happen.

While none of that means it will be an easy transition once we come home, it gives us hope that maybe it will be a little easier than we expected. Even though I want to be clear that we do not expect and smooth, uneventful transition home. Children who come from hard places have a lot of trust to build. And while his orphanage is "good" its an orphanage, not a family. Every adoption starts with a profound loss, one that we can not even imagine. So it will take time for him to adjust to his new life, his new family and his new home.

The best bread,ever!

After we were done playing with the ball we went into the dining room. Him and Tony were playing together, and by that I mean Owen thought it was funny to roll really fast on his zipzac by Tony to see if Tony could "catch" him. It was seriously the cutest darn thing ever. He would let out this sweet little giggle every time Tony caught him and if Tony didnt, he would zoom back by !

We left at supper time and went to eat at a Georgian Restaurant in the city. It was so yummy !!!! I seriously love food, like a lot. So I am not hard to please but it was delicious ! We will definitely be eating there again when we go back !

I have no idea what I ate, but it was awesome ! :)

To Make things easier for those of you reading our blog I am going to keep our adoption fees on each post. That way you will know where we are in the process and wont have to search old posts to figure out what we have left and where we stand. Please feel free to share any of our blog posts with your friends or family. The more people that know about our process and know about our sweet little guy means more people praying for us. I am a big believer in prayer, praying works !

Remaining Adoption Fees:

 Final international fee: ($2,000)
Hosting-will include apartment, translator and transportation: ($4600)
Post placement fees: ($1400)
Visa for Owen to come home: ($325)--almost covered--
Estimated expenses for airfare and in country expenses:  about $4500

Thank you for taking the time to read about our journey!

Crashing a wedding ! Sounds like fun.

Today when we arrived at the orphanage the translator walked in before us. Owen seemed a little confused and asked if mama and papa had come too ! We quickly noticed he wasnt wearing his "gear". As many of you know Owen has Spina Bifida, and becuase of that he wears a back brace and braces on his legs. He is supposed to wear them several hours a day. We asked the caregivers why he wasnt in them and they told us it was because he didnt want to wear them. They are not custom made for him so they are very painful for him. We hope that once he comes home he will get a much better fitting one for him! They asked if we wanted to take him for a walk and we said sure. He was a really big fan of this idea !

They used this to their advantage and told him that he could go as long as he put his braces on. Little dude wasnt happy, but obliged. While we were walking out we noticed there was a wedding going on. He wanted to say hi! I told him we probably couldnt do that, when our translator said that it was considered good luck to "crash a wedding"/ So crashing we did ! Because this mama needs some luck on her side, haha ! Apparently it isnt considered rude or abnormal in thier culture to attend a wedding of someone you have never met.

Oh, Hi Angels from the Sky ;)

They had Angels there and Owen was very interested in meeting these angels and asking them how they came down from heaven. It was interesting to watch our translator explain that they were just costumes. I asked if she thought they would be willing to get a picture with Owen, but she said probably not. So we looked from afar and he enjoyed it none the less.

The sweetest young boy, ever.

As we were walking back, there was a young boy walking his dog. Owen freaked. Seriously, I have never seen a child react to an animal in that manner. He was terrified ! The young boy who was maybe all of age 13 or 14 tried to calm Owen down and let him know that it was okay. Our translator was there and trying to explain that the dog was nice. But Owen wasnt happy until the dog was out of sight.

This young boy made me tear up, in the sweetest way. He said that he would often see the children at the orphanage and that he really enjoyed talking to them "Because they need more care than regular kids". He was the sweetest kid, and I hope his heart continues to lead him into a life of serving and helping others.

After our short and eventful walk we took Owen back, and played in the playroom until Supper time. We stayed with him while he ate and left after he was done.

Oh, you know, just crashing a wedding. No biggie ! :)

Owen really enjoyed lighting a candle while we were there !

Blood, Sweat, Tears....and PLASMA!!

Apparently, I was dehydrated ;)

This journey has been beautiful, exciting and exhausting. We started our adoption journey over a year ago and specifically for Owen right at a year ago. It has been full of tears, happy ones and sad ones and just plain I'm exhausted ones. We have fundraised more than I ever knew I could. Our most successful one so far has been our shoe drive through Angel Bins, and thats where the sweat and blood come in because it was dead middle of summer when it ended, haha !

Yesterday I donated Plasma for the first time in my life. We got this flyer in the mail about donating and they had increased the bonus for donating as a first time donor. So we are now $70 closer to our $12k goal to the finish line ! I did a little math and if my husband and I both donate twice a week until March (when we expect to travel for pick up trip) We will earn almost $2,000 which is enough to cover our final international fee !

You certainly wont get rich by donating Plasma, and the wait time is killer, I was there almost 6 hours ! But something is better than nothing and right now Its an option to help us get one step closer to bringing Little Man home.

The other day we received an order for 20 Christmas ornaments, and they shipped out yesterday ! Both of those things combined have given almost what we need for Owens Visa home. Just 6 more ornaments and his Visa is paid for ! If you would like to order an ornament, they are $10 each. Just leave me message with what you want and I will ship it out to you as soon as its finished !

March seems really far away when I am waiting to bring home our sweet little guy. But it seems so close when I consider that we still need about $12,000 to complete our adoption. Right now I am keeping my faith in God, that he will provide a way for Owen to come home. He wouldnt bring us to this adoption, just to leave us stranded in the middle. He is faithful, always.

Heres some photos of me donating yesterday !

It didn't hurt as bad as I thought !

Some people have asked about the remaining adoption fees and this is where we are:
Final international fee ($2,000)
Hosting-will include apartment, translator and transportation ($4600)
Post placement fees ($1400)
Visa for Owen to come home ($325)--almost covered--
Estimated expenses for airfare and in country expenses are about $4500

Plasma^ :)

We have applied to a few more grants and we are waiting to hear back from them. Please continue to pray that at least one of them will come through for us. Please specifically pray that when the time comes that we will have exactly what we need to complete our adoption.

Our thermometer is adjusted to reflect the plasma money and our ornaments order.  We still have a ways to go! Today is #GivingTuesday , so if you feel led to help us bring home Owen we would so super appreciate any donation made. Literally every $1 adds up.

Thank you for taking the time to read <3

We attended mass !

Today we arrived around 1030 am. When we arrived he asked where mama was, because Tony had walked in before me so they brought him in to us. We sat in the dining area and gave him his gifts.  He asked if we had brought stickers, which we hadnt. We went to the playroom for about half an hour and just sat and played with him. One of the caregivers asked if we wanted to go to mass, which was starting in just a few minutes. They said Owen really enjoys it, more so than any of the other kids. So we decided to go. He loves it ! The priest asked if were catholic- we arent. So he let us know that we could partake in the blessing and service but not the communion. I held Owen the entire time, and he was singing along to all the songs and prayers. We started the morning in the back of the room, but he asked to go up front. Sure kid, mama doesnt mind being in front of the entire room in a service Ive never been to and have everyone stare at me. Not a problem at all. Haha !  At one point he did the blessing on himself and then turned to me to bless me. My heart just about melted on the floor <3 Then it was time to go up to the front  and be blessed by the priest. So we did that, and Owen pointed to me as if to remind the priest not to forget mama. Tony and the translator went up next.  Once the translator got back to her seat I told her that we needed to step out because Owen had had an accident and I needed her to let the caregivers know. I didnt want them thinking we were just walking out for no reason ;)

The service ended shortly after and it was time for us to go so that the kids could enjoy some lunch and nap time.

He is really starting to open up to us and gets really excited when they tell him we are coming. They say he asks every morning if mama and papa are coming today, and when they say yes he wants to get dressed and wait for us. He still gets a little shy when we first walk in but it gets easier as the visits go on.

We walked around the city and ate at this "burrito type" place. Seriously, these things are yummy and cheap ! They are about $1.50 each, I am pretty sure this might be our new favorite lunch spot.

We went back to the orphanage around 3, as we walked in there was a birthday celebration going on. I am so happy that even while these children are waiting for families to come that the orphanage chooses to celebrate their lives ! Most children in orphanage do not have birthdays, or holidays. It makes me very happy that while we have missed 4 birthdays, at least he has been surrounded by people that love him. Hopefully he will be home for his 5th birthday !!!

He enjoyed playing with the balloons so much ! Tony was juggling several balloons and Owen was getting a kick out it. That boy has the sweetest laugh I have ever heard. I was sitting next to him eating some cake and drinking Coke. He kept trying to tell me that he could have some, and I asked if he was trying to trick mama he just laughed. I am pretty sure he has never had soda before :)

The caregivers asked if we walked to take him for a walk around the block and he really seemed to want to go so we did. By the time he was dressed to go we could barely see his face. They had him in 3 layers of clothing, a really big jacket, a hat (under the hat on the jackets) and some mittens. He was like a little baby burrito ;) He really enjoyed being outside ! We walked around for just a little while but he was starting to get tired. We were able to get a few videos of him, which are absolutely amazing.  In one of them you can see his entire leg move ! Which is a great sign for his mobility in the future !

Around 5 he decided he was done playing with us, hopped in his little wheelchair and left the room. We stayed in there and played with some of his friends before saying goodbye to him.

I also want to take a quick moment and let everyone know about our current fundraisers !

We are bringing back our ornaments from last year but with a slight twist. This year we are using Sharpies- because they are tinier and make for cleaner writing :)

 And our Blankets are back ! Keep warm this Winter while helping us bring this sweet boy home to his family.

Paintings can be made with your favorite quotes and colors !

We still have our VISA gift card giveaway board. (Stay tuned something HUGE might happen with this one ;) )
How it works: pick any number on the board that doesn't have a star over it and donate that amount to our FSP (link on side) Numbers 1-50 will be drawn for a $75 giftcard and numbers 51-100 will be drawn for a $150 gift card. When that is donate forward me your receipt at ashtonymcbride@yahoo.com to be entered into the drawing. This step is very important because the donations are anonymous and I will not know who donates.

 And today is the last day for our Scarves fundraiser, but if there is enough interest I could keep it open a little while longer. I was so happy about this one ! Its getting really cold out and I figured it would do really well. It hasnt, but we still have today!  My idea was that we could have an auction with scarves and the ones that were unclaimed could be donated to the women's shelter in our area. If you want to you can buy one and instead of having it shipped to you I can donate it too !
Click Here to view Auction

"Good job, mama."

Today we woke up and met with the other family to go to the market , and shopped with the local vendors. We got some super cool gifts, and hopefully we will get to go back next time ! After that we went to lunch with our translator. We still had a few hours before it was time for our second visit with the Little guy. So we took that time to continue exploring his city. Confession, before we left I was sure I would just want to stay in our appartment the whole time. I wasnt sure how I would feel being alone in another Country, with limited communication to our family at home. I wasnt sure how safe it would be for us to wander around. But it was a really safe environment, and I am pretty sure his city has nothing on New York, they literally never sleep. There are always people walking around, at all hours of the day and night. I ended up loving the atmosphere and not being scared one bit.

That afternoon we got ready to visit Owen again, and brought him some more stickers and a drawing pad. We knew he liked stickers before we came, because another family had given him some a few months back and some of the updates we received from the agency had him playing with them.  So this mama made sure to pack a couple different kinds to give to that sweet boy !

While we were there we started looking through the phone again and he was wondering when Ethan and Ashlyn would come to visit him. We had to explain that they had stayed home with Grandma Jersey, so they wouldn't be coming this trip. As we were sitting on the floor playing and just enjoying each other one of the caregivers walked in and he yelled " my mama & papa !" It was so sweet, talk about heart melting. He was snuggled up to Tony just looking through the phone, then he climbed into his lap. We were trying to be respectful of him, and not overwhelm him with too much affection right away. Because while we have known him for over a year, and spent about a year working really hard to get there, he had only just seen us a few days prior. We were strangers to him. I didnt want to scare him by being all over him so we decided to take baby steps. He was leading this process, and we were letting him warm up on his own time.

He started asking so many questions, questions we didnt expect from a 4 year old who has lived in an orphanage his entire life. But as a few other people who had met him before us said, he is an old soul in a little body. Do I get to go to school? Can I walk to school? Where will I sleep? Are there doctors in America? Will they fix my legs? Are they going to break them? Can I come home now? Does Zoey (our dog) bite? Does the cat scratch? It was extremely hard having to explain to him that this time he couldnt come home. That it would be just a few more months until we would come back. I was afraid that he would feel like we were lying to him. That he would fear we were abandoning him. But we tried really hard to make sure that he understood that we were most deffinitely coming back for him. The easiest way to do that was to tell him that after Christmas we would come back. His country celebrates Christmas in January so we figured it might be easier for him to understand.

He is the smartest little kid ! At one point he was trying to eat the stickers and Tony was telling him they weren't food, he was talking to talking about how he was going to eat them and Tony kept saying they wouldn't taste good. "I dont think you understand me papa!" With the most serious face LOL.
Soon after we left so that the children could eat their lunch and have nap time. We used this time to eat a snack and do some more walking around the city. We would be heading back that afternoon.

Our second visit of the day went really really well ! We walked in and he asked if we brought him anymore gifts (we hadn't.) but told him we could play with the ones we brought this morning. Around supper time I asked him if he wanted me to carry him into the dining room and he said yes with his hand held up. So I as I picked him up he hugged me super tight ! I almost cried, because it was the first time he had done that.He asked if we would stay with him while he ate supper, so of course we did ! As we were leaving I asked the translator how to say I love You in his language and when I tried to repeat it he looked at me like well at least you tried and said "Good Job, mama" <3 <3 <3

More to come :)

Meeting with the Ministry of Justice and First Visit !

MOJ meeting.
The day we met the MOJ I was a ball of nerves. seriously. I had packed our clothes in our carry on, just in case our luggage was misplaced- it wasn't! Thank goodness! But I was terrified to meet him. Everyone kept saying it was easy peasy lemon squeasy but that did nothing for the knot in my stomach. We got our clothes ironed and on and we waited for nearly 30 minutes for our driver to pick us up. Where is that time when we are home? Ha ! Once we got there and met him I couldnt believe I was so nervous. He was super friendly and it was a really quick meeting. He let us know that we would be coming back at the end of the week for our final answer, and to enjoy meeting our little guy.

1st Visit.
Talk about nerves. Seriously I thought I would puke before the 15 minute car ride from our apartment to his orphanage was over. We had brought him a few small gifts, and we couldn't wait to meet him ! But I was still nervous. Would he like us? Would he hate us? Would he be scared? Scream? Hide? Yell.Bite.Kick or hit? Would he instantly attach to us? Would he cling to us and never want to let go( which isnt actually a good sign for his attachment.) All of the above?
We pulled up and rang the bell to be let in, one of the caregivers opened the door and smiled so big "Owen's parents!" We sent them a photo album awhile back so apparently they all knew our faces :) We were met by one of the sisters, and she was so excited for us to be there. She held my hands and said that he had been waiting for us for so long. She advised that we wait a second downstairs so that she could make sure he was ready. She walked into the room and he yelled "mama!" so she told him she would come down to get us.

Those stairs felt like a mile long. Just a few steps were all that were separating me from our boy. It felt like it was taking forever. 5 steps, 4 steps ,3 steps, 2,1. We opened the door and little man was just sitting there. I smiled at him, sat down  next to him and said "Hi. buddy." Really, those were the first words I ever said to my son. It seems so silly now, because in my head I had been thinking of all the perfect ways to tell him how much I loved him right as I saw him. But we just went with it. He asked them if I was really mama, and they told him yes. He looked at me and asked if I prayed for him. I did, buddy, I did. We went to another room where we gave him his gifts and just sat next to him. That boy seriously loves some stickers !

He also really enjoyed looking through our phones and seeing his brother and sister. There wasa picture of Ethan at school and Owen asked if he would get to go to school too. We told him he would most deffinitely get to go to school ! A little while later he decided he wanted to color with his friends, so while he did that we visited with some of the other sweet children.  He took a little while to warm up but he really seems to take to Tony, maybe its because there aren't a whole lot of males in his environment.

Our first visit ended around 530 because it was time for his supper and we didnt want our first visit to be too overwhelming for him, but we will be back tomorrow !

Our week gets so much better, so remember to check back and read some of the other posts !

I will be uploading some photos of our trip in a few days, but none will be of Owen. We have strict rules that we can not share his photo at all. I know that everyone wants to see him, because trust me he is gorgeous, but we need to wait until he is legally our child. This wont happen until 2nd trip, which is still several months and several thousands of dollars away;)